C.S. Lewis once observed, “If you examined a hundred people who had lost their faith in Christianity, I wonder how many of them would turn out to have been reasoned out of it by an honest argument? Do not most people simply driftaway?”
The word drift is significant. Drifting is effortless—a carrying. It implies no definite destination. In the presence of doubt, it can be easy to drift. It’s effortless. When faced with challenge or suffering (or prosperity) it can be more difficult to remember truth and bring our doubts to God. It is easier to drift along with waves of platitudes, our possessions, or the people we love.
Hebrews 2:1 warns us specifically about drifting: “Therefore we must pay much closer attention to what we have heard, lest we driftaway from it.”
Doubt definitely deepens over time for me. I am prone to slow, easy drifting. Does God see me? Does he still love me? Why is that part of the Bible so confusing? Why would he let that horrible evil thing happen? Is there really a God? Is this what he intended motherhood to be like? Why isn’t he giving me fulfillment? Why did he even make me? Who am I anyway? Have I been good enough?
Motherhood has been a huge shift in identity for me. In beautiful but painful ways, God is stripping away the worldly productivity in which I found nearly all my value for most of my life. Being a mom has exposed new levels of weakness in me physically, emotionally, and spiritually—and I don’t like it.
This is where doubts sneak in. I imagine that my lack of worldly productivity surely decreases my value in the Lord’s eyes. Drift. My hormones and fatigue cause even more visceral reactions to tragic stories that make me question the existence of God—or at least his character. Drift. I channel any energy I have towards mindless things to distract myself in hopes that I’ll feel some relief: cleaning, organizing, scrolling, talking, shopping for the perfect gifts for relatives. Drift. In quiet moments for various reasons, I doubt my salvation. Drift.
In my hopeless moments during an Advent season that should be marked by hope, I need reminders that I am not condemned in my doubting and wandering. Will you join me in looking at how tenderly Jesus meets those who doubt him?
The disciple Thomas, a famous doubter, said in John 20 after the resurrection: “’Unless I see in his hands the mark of the nails, and place my finger into his side, I will never believe.’ Eight days later, his disciples were inside again and Thomas was with them. Although the doors were locked, Jesus came and stood among them and said, ‘Peace be with you.’ Then he said to Thomas, ‘Put your finger here, and see my hands; and put out your hand, and place it in my side. Do not disbelieve, but believe’” (vs. 25–29).
Jesus drew near to Thomas. He invited Thomas to put his hand in his own.
In Mark 9:21–25 a possessed boy was brought by his father to Jesus. “And Jesus asked his father, ‘How long has this been happening to him?’ And he said, ‘From childhood. And it has often cast him into fire and into water, to destroy him. But if you can do anything, have compassion on us and help us.’ And Jesus said to him, ‘”If you can”! All things are possible for one who believes.’ Immediately the father of the child cried out and said, ‘I believe; help my unbelief!’ And when Jesus saw that a crowd came running together, he rebuked the unclean spirit saying to it, ‘You mute and deaf spirit, I command you come out of him and never enter him again.’ And after crying out and convulsing him terribly, it came out, and the boy was like a corpse so that most of them said, ‘He is dead.’ But Jesus took him by the hand and lifted him up, and he arose.”
Jesus drew near to the father. He healed the son and he held the son’s hand.
In Matthew 14:28–32 Peter got out of the boat and walked on the water toward Jesus. “But when he saw the wind, he was afraid, and beginning to sink he cried out, ‘Lord, save me.’ Jesus immediately reached out his hand and took hold of him, saying to him, ‘O you of little faith, why did you doubt?’ And when they got into the boat, the wind ceased.”
Jesus drew near to Peter. He saved him by reaching out his hand.
How does Jesus respond to doubters? It seems he likes to draw near—to hold their hands.
Doubting isn’t drifting. It can lead to drifting, but instead it can be an opportunity to draw near to our Savior.
If you find yourself riddled with doubt in this season you feel should be marked by hope, take heart. We can experience joy this Advent knowing our salvation doesn’t depend on our grip on Christ. We are held tightly in his hand. God chose to answer our doubts with the person of Christ Jesus. And he responds to us the same way he responded to Thomas, to the boy’s father, and to Peter—with compassion and his consistency. We have a God who draws near to doubters. We can take our doubts to him—our God who loves and is committed to drifters. Even when we drift, he will hold us fast.
If confusion is making it difficult to sing out Christmas hymns with heart this season, consider adding another song to your playlist. I’ve found the words from the hymn “He Will Hold Me Fast” to be a helpful reminder when I’m doubting and don’t know how to draw near.
When I fear my faith will fail,
Christ will hold me fast.
When the tempter would prevail,
He will hold me fast.
I could never keep my hold
Through life’s fearful path,
For my love is often cold;
He must hold me fast.
Advent is a season to pay close attention to what we have heard. It is a reminder of precisely what us doubters and drifters need to remember: Christ drew near. This is the story of Christmas! He came to earth as a baby to enact a plan of salvation for confused people with finite minds like you and me. He will hold us fast.
QUESTIONS FOR REFLECTION/ APPLICATION:
1. In what ways are you currently experiencing doubt?
2. What truth about Christ’s coming do you need to remember in the presence of doubt? How do the incarnation, life, death, and resurrection of Jesus speak to the questions you currently have about the purpose of life, the validity of Scripture, or the character of God?
3. How can you practice taking your doubts to God, drawing near to him as he draws near to you?
4. How has Christ sustained you through doubts and drifting in the past?
Katherine Miller Knuth is an artist specializing in lively land and seascape acrylic paintings. You can find her art at http://www.katherine-knuth.com/or on Instagram at @katherineknuth. She also works alongside her husband who is starting Reformed University Fellowship at the University of Michigan. Currently they reside in Ann Arbor, Michigan with their son, Peter, and daughter who they expect to arrive sometime during Advent.