“The heart of man plans his way, but the LORD establishes his steps.”
“I wait for the Lord, my soul waits,
and in his word I hope;
my soul waits for the Lord
more than watchmen for the morning,
more than watchmen for the morning.
”
“You keep him in perfect peace whose mind is stayed on you.”
Have you ever thought about the relationship between waiting and the desire for a child?
If you’re trying to conceive you:
wait to be able to try
wait to be intimate until your most fertile day
wait the infamous two weeks to be able to test, or for your period to begin
and then you either enter a season of waiting for a child or waiting for the opportunity to try again
If that test is positive you:
wait to see a baby on the screen and hope it isn’t a blighted ovum, an ectopic pregnancy, a molar pregnancy, or a missed miscarriage
wait to hear a heart beat to know you’re “out of the woods” aka the first trimester
wait for an anatomy scan to make sure everything looks good
wait to go into labor or for your c section date
And if God leads you to adoption:
you wait for a completed home study
wait for your paperwork to be processed
wait for a birth mom to choose your family for the child she is growing in her womb
The waiting surrounding the season in which we long to grow our families at worst leads to worry, anxiety, and frustration and at best leaves us wondering. We weigh possibilities and think through options, possible birth or "gothya" days. It’s easily consuming.
OUR SEASON OF WAITING
This summer my husband and I have experienced the greatest season of waiting I have ever known. We waited in vain for my body to miscarry naturally; when it didn’t we waited in the pharmacy drive through for the medicine we needed to help induce the process. We waited for the bleeding to start, then we agonizingly waited for the process to be over, and then for the ultrasound to confirm that we had passed all of the “products of conception.”
We waited for the sting and depression to subside, to stop throwing up, and for my hormones to return to normal (what a roller coaster). Then we waited for the chance to try again.
We waited for my body to heal from a painful bout with shingles; we waited for my back to be strong enough to support a pregnancy after a debilitating injury. Then we waited for the results of two separate breast biopsies. And now here we are, sort of waiting on the other shoe to drop as we tip toe into a season of “trying again.”
As a result of the ways that God has spoken to me through his word during this summer of waiting, this two week wait, our first after loss, feels so very different than any period of waiting I have experienced before. For the first time in my life, I think my heart truly believes that God knows better than I do, and I am taking comfort that He is in control, and I am not.
WHY WAITING LEADS TO WORSHIP
We cannot wait on any of the circumstances surrounding the growth of our families as if they are sovereign over their own occurrence (or as if we are) because we worship a God who is fully in control, who is never surprised (Psalm 139:16) and for whom nothing is too difficult (Jeremiah 32:27). Waiting is beautiful because of what it inherently reveals about who we are, or rather who we are not: we are not all powerful, we are not all knowing, and we do not know what it best. But God is and he does.
What if we took captive every anxious thought we have in our waiting and held it under the light of God's word. What if we subjected our thoughts to the fact that God is totally sovereign, totally trustworthy, totally good, and totally committed to our good and his glory, which cannot be divorced from each other (Romans 8:28). Friend, that not only rids our minds of anxiety, but it moves our hearts to worship!
There is no such thing as a delay according to God's plan. When our own efforts are thwarted, instead of looking around in confusion we can lift our eyes to the heavens in praise, worshiping a God whose plan cannot be miscarried (Job 42:2). Our limited minds cannot know what lies ahead concerning the growth of our families, but the sure hope and confidence we have in our future inheritance (1 Peter 1:4) changes the way that we experience our waiting in the present.
My sister, your waiting is never in vain, no matter how pointless or senselessly long it may feel. I invite you to thank God for it, and even rejoice in it, as painful or unnerving as it may be, because in it you can uniquely do what you were created to do: You can glorify God and enjoy Him forever. And you don't even have to wait; you can start right now. May he use your season of waiting for the longings of your heart to cause his glory to become your greatest desire.
For further Reflection:
Whate’er my God ordains is right:
His holy will abideth;
I will be still whate’er He doth;
And follow where He guideth;
He is my God; though dark my road,
He holds me that I shall not fall:
Wherefore to Him I leave it all.
Whate’er my God ordains is right:
He never will deceive me;
He leads me by the proper path:
I know He will not leave me.
I take, content, what He hath sent;
His hand can turn my griefs away,
And patiently I wait His day.
Whate’er my God ordains is right:
His loving thought attends me;
No poison can be in the cup
That my Physician sends me.
My God is true; each morn anew
I’ll trust His grace unending,
My life to Him commending.
Whate’er my God ordains is right:
He is my Friend and Father;
He suffers naught to do me harm,
Though many storms may gather,
Now I may know both joy and woe,
Some day I shall see clearly
That He hath loved me dearly.
Whate’er my God ordains is right:
Though now this cup, in drinking,
May bitter seem to my faint heart,
I take it, all unshrinking.
My God is true; each morn anew
Sweet comfort yet shall fill my heart,
And pain and sorrow shall depart.
Whate’er my God ordains is right:
Here shall my stand be taken;
Though sorrow, need, or death be mine,
Yet I am not forsaken.
My Father’s care is round me there;
He holds me that I shall not fall:
And so to Him I leave it all.
-Samual Roigast