Motherhood seems to have turned my life into a series of simultaneous antitheses. This year held within it concurrent bliss and despair. Its moments felt eternal and yet they slipped right through my fingers. It gave me everything I’ve ever wanted and plagued me with emptiness and anxiety. It left me terrified to miss a moment and wanting to run away and escape it all.  It felt like a perfect use of my gifts and found me completely ill-equipped. I’ve never been happier to be alive on earth and longed for heaven so much all at once. It lasted forever and it flew by. The first year of motherhood was one giant juxtaposition. No wonder it’s hard to sum up.